a man and a woman are lying together on a mattress. The bed is made with white sheets and a white comforter. They are sharing one white pillow and they are both wearing white shirts.

Deep Questions For Couples: Warning, They WILL Bring You Closer

Deep questions for couples:  do you and your partner ask these, or is your relationship is on autopilot?  More often than not, it might be more like the following scenario. Does any of this sound familiar? Your alarm goes off at 6:30, your partner makes the coffee, you take the Tuesday school drop-off. Throughout the day, you text about dinner plans, exchange thumbs ups and memes, and go to sleep with a goodnight kiss. It’s nice, and you’re grateful for it…but life could be a bit more exciting, right? We certainly think so, and the good news is, it’s easier than you think. With a few deep conversation starters, you can turn autopilot into an appreciative and present relationship. 

Warning:  applying the findings of this article this may bring you closer together.

Why Deep Questions For Couples Matter At Any Stage

Sure, you know your partner. You know their Chipotle order, shoe size, their sarcastic sense of humor. You even know about their love for you expensive vanilla bean body scrub. But it doesn’t matter if you fell in love in the days of bad perms and powder-blue tuxedoes or swiped right and hit it off last month. No matter how long you’ve been together, curiosity matters in relationships. Even as you grow closer and more comfortable around each other, stay curious. According to the Department of Psychology at Bishop’s University, “the desire for information about others, is a core component of human connection, belonging, security, survival, and flourishing.” 

older couple walking down an old city street with pretty buildings, they are holding coffee cups and asking deep questions

If you want your relationship to flourish, swap out your everyday inquiries for thought-provoking questions. Here are a few ways to transform everyday check-ins into deep conversations for couples:

  • Instead of asking what they want for their birthday, ask what they wished for when they blew out their birthday candles as a kid.
  • Check in about that work presentation and then find out who their professional role model is, and why.
  • Coordinate details for that trip to the lake house this summer, absolutely, but then enjoy a hypothetical guess where they would take you if they won the lottery. A luxury spa in Bora-Bora? A wine tour of the chateaux in the Loire Valley?
A couple is sitting at the end of a dock on a lake. It is fall and autumn colors are on the trees. The woman is resting her head on the man's shoulder

Get your partner to open up beyond the day-to-day! All it takes is curiosity and the right questions to grow closer.

The Science Behind Asking Thought-Provoking Questions

Studies show that curiosity and thought-provoking questions build emotional connection. The Greater Good Science Center at the UC-Berkeley researched why Curious People Have Better Relationships. The study reveals how showing curiosity and asking questions leads to better conversations.  People tend to open up more while asking better questions in return. And voila...that’s the secret sauce!

So, what’s the recipe behind the secret sauce?

We’ll tell you!

Asking and answering deep questions is where it starts. Biologically, it feels good to share your feelings with someone else, or what scientists call “self-disclosure.” A study took place in which participants engaged in acts of self-disclosure. They expressed their own preferences and opinions on simple things like whether or not they enjoy skiing. While they did, researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to scan their brains. They saw that self-disclosure was strongly associated with the parts of the brain that respond to rewards. In fact, the participants enjoyed sharing their opinions so much, they even gave up the option of receiving money to talk about themselves more! 

Two women are at a table at a busy outdoor cafe drinking coffee, smiling, and having deep conversations

Apparently, revealing what you’re feeling is priceless. And the give-and-take of a curious conversation based on deep questions for couples will have both you and your other half lighting up with pleasure, which is worth everything.

How Deep Conversation Starters Change Things

Ok, we know that curiosity is the proven key. Great!  Then why does the idea of having a deep conversation scare us so much? Probably because we wait to have them until there’s a problem. After all, there may be no scarier four words in the English language than we need to talk. 

But what if we would make meaningful conversations fun and easy? 

What if we could integrate thought-provoking questions into our daily routines? 

And what if we understood how deep questions for couples lead to a great future together? 

At first, deep conversation starters may just seem like food for thought, or a way to pass time, but there’s more to it. They can give us fresh insights into who our partners were before us, who they are now, and the person they dream of becoming. And those insights allow you to build a life together, and an even stronger bond.

3 Tips On Having Deep Conversations As A Couple

How can you use deep conversation starters to bring you closer?  Here are a few easy ways to do it. 

  1. Keep things light and positive. 

    It’s best to avoid triggers and sensitive topics, complicated aspects of your partner’s life or family, and subjects where you tend to disagree. 

  2. Don’t add fuel to old fires.

    No dredging up arguments or complaints about the chore chart, no passive aggressive comments.

  3. Hypotheticals should be playful and inspiring

    Avoid asking trick questions or questions ending in ultimatums. For example, don’t ask questions about infidelity or flaws in you or your partner. Those questions will end the meaningful conversation almost as soon as it begins and make sure there’s not a next one. And remember, we’re trying to make deeper conversation part of your everyday routine!

So what are the best topics to get you two talking?

Deep conversation starters for couples: the past

Well, there’s no better place to start than the beginning. Your better half’s perspective on the past is really important for the present, and for your future together. The memories they cherish most reflect their values. That story about the first time they took the bus alone to school? That shows their pride in their independence and means you should cheer them on when they take bold risks.  Here’s how to get the ball rolling:

  1. Start with happy memories.
    Think of the positive things your partner has mentioned about the time before they met you. Anything fun and light is good here: toys and pals, the games they used to play at recess. 
  2. Find out about their early interests.
    Discuss the first books they read and TV shows and movies they loved as a kid (any childhood crushes in there?
  3. Learn about their family and holiday traditions. 
    The warmth in their eyes when they talk about family Thanksgivings? Take that as a cue to embrace tradition and togetherness (and maybe ask your in-laws for that delicious cornbread stuffing recipe!).
Someone wearing pajama pants is holding an old rotary phone on their lap along with a polaroid picture.

The present

What about the present? There may be small things—the good morning text, the Friday pizza night, the smell of their cologne on the pillows—that they really treasure. And when you find out, you can make sure they keep feeling loved and appreciated. When you find small moments to cherish, that daily routine doesn’t feel so dull anymore. Start with basic things like these:

  • What does your partner love about their job, your home, the city where you live?
  • What does he or she adore about your life together and your traditions?
  • How about your intimate relationship?
A couple is smiling and taking a selfie on the living room floor of their modern apartment.

Deep questions about the future

Whether you’re retired or just starting to build a life together, there are sure to be hopes and dreams your partner hasn’t shared with you. These deep conversations are no time to set limits or be too practical. Dream big together.

  • What is your partner looking forward to? 
  • What would your partner do, be, see, buy, donate, or create if anything were possible?
  • What would be something new and exciting for you as a couple?

There may be goals you never knew the two of you shared. Maybe these deep questions for couples will let you see your partner in a new light—or maybe you could make one of those dreams come true. 

A woman with blonde hair in a long casual dress is walking beside a man in a blue shirt. They are on a dirt driveway walking up to a house. A for sale sign is in front of the house with a sticker labelled "sold" over it.

Make Those Talks Easy with Deeply: Couples Edition

How do you transform routine into romance and small talk into meaningful conversation? Well, for digging deeper, you need Deeply, of course! Deeply makes modern, researched-informed conversation cards, designed for real life. Each version of Deeply is tailored to our users, and Deeply: Couples Edition is made for couples in long-term relationships who are looking to strengthen their bond. Our goal is to bring you two closer, so we’ve designed deep conversation starters that will bring out the best in you both: thought-provoking, fun, funny, and inspirational. 

No triggers or fights here! Deeply is a no-pressure, interactive tool featuring digital conversation cards. Choose between the online version (which comes with our 30-day money-back guarantee) or the PDF version (deep questions for couples you can keep forever!). Either way, we'll help get you talking from the moment you sign up for it.

 

a red box with the branding for Deeply has the words 112 conversation cards on it

 

What’s the best way to use Deeply? 

Since we’ve been talking about your daily routine, we’d like you to make Deeply part of it. We recommend diving into Deeply daily by using our deep conversation starters into something you already do together as a couple. Here are a few easy ways to get started:

  • Pull up a question over your morning coffee to start the day off on the same page.
  • Take turns choosing questions as you cook breakfast or dinner, or mix up some evening cocktails. 
  • Choose one of our deep questions for couples conversation starter to chat about as you wash the dishes, fold the laundry, or walk the dog. 
  • Forget doomscrolling or debating which streaming show to start next. Instead, get cozy, pick one of our deep conversation starters, and have sweet dreams afterwards!
a couple is seated on a wooden floor painted white. The are leaning against the foot of the bed with just their legs visible. The person on the left balances a breakfast plate on their lap; the person on the right has set their cup of coffee on the floor beside them.

Since Deeply is unique as the first/only digital-only conversation card set, our deep conversation starters are at your fingertips wherever you go. Bring our get-closer prompts on your road trip, beach day, or ski vacation. Scroll for a sweet, fun, or spicy prompt in the car, the hot tub, or the great outdoors. No matter where you two go, our deep questions for couples can be part of the adventure.

Get Deeply and try your first prompt tonight. Before you know it, meaningful and romantic connection will be your new routine. 

 

 

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